How often do we think of ourselves as being in control? In charge? On top of things? How often do we think we know what's going on, and we're prepared?
Almost 8 years ago I gave my daughter (Destiny, for the point of the story) up in adoption to a nice family in Houston. I thought to myself that my job was done, she was born, and I'd never see her again. I thought that God had wanted me to follow through and protect her, make sure she ended up in a good home, and that was that.
My ex, my daughter's mother (River, as she'll be known), was, and is, crazy. I can hardly think of any good thing to say about her outside of commenting upon her beauty (she is still gorgeous). And truly, she is crazy. But I'm also still a wounded little man, too hurt to let go of that pain, so I justify it by focusing on her insanity.
Earlier this afternoon I received a text from my baby momma (sorry for the slang) that contained a picture of her and Destiny posing together.
They met.
Apparently Destiny wants to meet me.
I have no idea what to do with this.
I've spent the last 7 years assuring myself that A) I'd never see my daughter again, and I had made peace with that; and B) I'd never see my ex again and the idea of her dying from some horrible incurable disease made me feel a little better about the world.
And yet, on my phone, staring at me, is proof that these two beliefs are wrong.
A few thoughts:
I have no idea how they happened upon each other, so it could have been forced. (River is not above stalking)
I have no idea if my daughter was coerced into professing the desire to meet me.
I have no idea what my ex actually wants.
And now, some back story: River was extremely manipulative and emotionally needy. She would lie to me openly simply to get a desired response, and create drama to try and test me.
So with that filter on, I'm very, very skeptical.
River works at a certain swedish furniture store (heretofore known as That Place With The Meatballs) and apparently happened upon the adoptive parents with Destiny, and Destiny instantly recognised River and ran into her arms.
Here's where I stand (and thank you for letting me figure this out as I vented):
If Destiny really wanted to meet me, her adoptive parents have my phone number and can find me on FaceBook. But they haven't.
And River has been known to randomly text or call me to try and reconnect, as apparently I may or may not have been her last successful and (somewhat) healthy relationship.
So "River", if you're reading this, I'm calling shenanigans!
I'm glad you met Destiny, but until the parents contact me, I will not trust you.
Sorry if I've foiled your plans. And if you are sincere, sorry that I don't trust you but you burned this bridge with a vengeance.
To everyone else reading this: Sorry this post wasn't very funny or insightful or inspiring. I'll try harder next time. And yes, next time will be coming soon.
